Center of the F'in Universe

Andalusia is a small city in South-Central Alabama. For the first 18 years of my life I lived about 10 miles north of town in a small community called Gantt (I say I'm from Andalusia because people actually know where that is. Gantt? Not so much.) For much of the next 7 years, I have done my best to avoid the place. However, it becomes more and more clear that it will be impossible to do so. Why? Because Andalusia is center of the fucking universe.

Admittedly, I have lived my whole life in the state of Alabama. Although I have often considered it, I have never done anything radical like pick up and move to Denver or Seattle in order to get away. But even still, Andalusia is not that big. I currently live 300 miles away from the place, yet I still run into Andalusia connections all the time. Just the other day I was in the computer lab before class started talking to my professor and another classmate. The classmate had dated a girl from Andalusia. The professor's mother was from Andalusia. At my previous job, my boss's uncle lived in Andalusia. And I'll never forget the time I was having lunch at a nice restaurant in downtown Birmingham and in walked Johnny Dewrell (those fellow Straughn people will know how big a shock that must have been). Ask around my group of Auburn friends about how many people they knew from Huntsville, Birmingham, and Andalusia, and it will be a close contest.

Why am I bringing this up? It's because the phenomenon is spreading. It was recently brought to my attention that the runner-up at this year's Ms. America pageant, Alexa Jones, was from Andalusia. So watch out. You may all soon be bowing down to your new Andalusian overlords. And believe me, that's a scary thought.